What is it like when I lead?

It’s a hard question to answer, so I reached out to a few people who know me to get their thoughts how they experience my leadership. They also have experienced both me and several other leaders.

If you lead practices like this, I recommend asking people about their experience of you, it was quite touching to read.

Rósanna Róbertsdottir, participant at a 6 month leadership training (the SAS) where I was teaching:

Thinking freely here. I feel that I've received so much support in my thinking and meaning-making from you. I was talking to a friend about it the other day, about how I began to feel during SAS like I am exactly where I want to be and experienced such depth in the process, like the floor opened up into infinity. Then I realized that a lot of what gave me this experience of depth—of complexity and frameworks in relation to what we were doing—actually came from your interpretations, your translations. I think you have an exceptional ability to articulate things that are hard to put into words, which helps me anchor experiences that might be close to the heart but can feel fleeting and abstract because they take on more subtle forms.

I also feel that you see people and me with an eye that somehow feels sober—one that encompasses a lot. I’ve felt that, even though the other leaders can make sharp observations about people, it’s as if I more consistently trust what you see because I count on you to hold many frameworks when you look at a person (and partially have a strong intuition, but not only rely on it, for example).

And I see you touching groups with your verbal vulnerability. The detail with which you can describe parts of yourself that hurt evokes a powerful resonance in a room. People want to feel connected to each other, but it can be difficult when people can only give the outlines of their experience—and you can let a group in under the skin, which both awakens a kind of shared tenderness we all seem to long for and resonates deeply as if someone has finally put words to what they were feeling.

And then I think your bodywork is an incredible tool. How you look at bodies and read so much in them. And how you touch bodies just as sensitively as you do confidently.

Morten Bolø, participant at weeklong SL trainings where I was assisting or teaching:

I think one of the things that I really enjoy when you are leading is that there's this sense that we're never going to get lost. Like, you have this. This ability to always keep things on a constructive path. Or it's like you're never making people wrong or you're always meeting them with curiosity. And your focus is always what we can do in this interaction to create more depth or more connection?

Yeah, and there is a very high integrity in how you're leading, like, feeling a sense that you're always true to your own values, in how you manage your leadership role, and there is a sort of humbleness to it. And at the same time the word fairness comes up.

Like if there's a conflict as part of what goes on in the circle, you won’t side with anyone. You’re more trying to make sense of what's happening and pointing out what you see. Like there's no favouritism towards anyone, even if it's people you know really well or people that are vulnerable. It feels very fair and high integrity in how you are addressing whatever arises.

And I also like your ability to really track what is going on, which I think that is an important thing. Yeah, you can really track a lot of things at the same time. And you're able to go back and if something arrives, if something happens, then you're really good at providing the context of what's happening.

And I think the way you do this, it feels very humble. It comes with a strong sense of humility, not saying this is what it is, but just that this is your experience of it. Like, I think sometimes when leaders do this, it feels like some authority is telling us what is happening more than just dipping into it as I'm just a human being and this is my experience of what is going on.

Hans Rygaard, participant at a 6 month leadership training (the SAS) where I was teaching:

Some spontaneous thoughts on your leadership:

I feel very comfortable when you're leading. I trust in your ability to handle everything that comes up.

There’s more room for the difficult and dark things with you. Without it becoming heavy or destructive.

I like your question about whether we feel free. A way of pushing the boundaries toward the unknown. Accessing hidden potential.

I like the connection with bodywork.

Something feels grounded in a good way with you. You’re more knowledgeable and articulate than I am, and I think that helps you meet more people in a positive way.

Circling with you feels new and fresh. Nothing goes on repeat or becomes routine.

I like your presence.